I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
