anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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