My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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