wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
