She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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