it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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