Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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