I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
