I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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