So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
