Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
