I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
