i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
