Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
