Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
