Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
