Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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