Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
