i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
