I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
