Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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