It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
