My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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