it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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