I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
