You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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