Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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