Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if only i could text you this smell
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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