I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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