I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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