the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
