My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
