My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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