you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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