He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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