does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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