i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
