sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
