apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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