had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's blow job season.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
