I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
