We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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