Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
