I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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