I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
