I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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