I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
