Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
