Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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