I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
