I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
