My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
