I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
