Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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