i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
